The Somatics @ Bassment
By Cathy Simpson
The Somatics are fucking amazing. The Long Blondes aren't.
The Long Blondes are rocking a look that is basically this January's Topshop sale rail - you see, the thing about being so very, very trendy is that, in the blink of an eye, you're not. And when people see past image they may notice that the Long Blondes are just copying what they've seen other people do without having any idea of how to do things properly themselves. Yet again we had to go through the painful rigmarole of guitar 'tuning' that was demonstrated at Pigs in August - they obviously know what to do - that's right, fret five - but they can't figure out what to do next - Sharp? Flat? Oh, fuck it, lets just play our next top tune!
The Long Blondes' mediocrity makes the Somatics even more impressive - they are professionals - they have lights, a stage set (some granny-rific lampshades) and a guitar tech. They sound incredible. Fronted by ex-Ultrasound guitarist Richard Green and his bassist wife, they have the bastard offspring of Animal from the Muppets and Ben Swank from the Soledad Brothers on drums - i.e. the dog's drumming bollocks. They (unlike the 'Blondes) realise that sometimes to make good music, you have to break into a sweat - in fact all three Somatics play their instruments with their whole bodies, they put everything into the sound and the result is electric and huge.
It feels special to be seeing this band here in the tiny and ridiculously under-crowded Bassment, when they should be doing so much more - it's patronising to put such genuinely exceptional talent on the same bill as some here-today-gone-tomorrow trend jockeys like the Long Blondes.
As my cohort for the evening pointed out, Richard Green's screaming, whale-song feedback during Goodbye 25 was 'worth £3.50 entrance fee on it's own!' Fantastic.
